Yesterday I went on a date with a guy and it went okay. He was nice, but he has a severe nut allergy (all nuts) that can cause life-threatening anaphylaxis.
At brunch, I really wanted a specific pancake dish, but it had nuts, so I couldn’t order it. I got plain pancakes with zero toppings to avoid cross-contamination. At one point I accidentally touched the nougat next to my tea, and he asked me to go wash my hands, which I understand and immediately did to keep him safe. Later we went to another café and I wanted to get a Magnum ice cream, but again I couldn’t because of nuts.
At the end of the date, he asked if I wanted a second date. I told him I enjoyed meeting him but that I needed to think, because honestly the allergy situation is too much for me long-term. At home I regularly eat peanut butter and nut products, so it made me realize how big of a lifestyle change this would be. I worry about constantly avoiding foods I like or risking his safety if we kissed after I had eaten nuts.
He responded with a dismissive laugh and tone, saying “No. Come on, this isn’t a real dealbreaker.” He said that I could still eat nuts as long as I washed my hands and brushed my teeth every single time at every cafe/at home, and that his family accommodates his allergy easily, so I can too. He even said that if we become serious, he will undergo therapy to cure his allergy, since it’s such a big deal for me. He finished by repeating again that “this is seriously not a real dealbreaker.”
But to me, it still IS a dealbreaker. But I feel guilty about that because I know he can’t help it. How can I tell him that I still don’t want to pursue things because of this?
